Why New Year's resolutions don’t work & what to do instead
Part 1:Why it's not your fault
Resolutions: Hype or Helpful?
Nothing rivals the shimmering sea of sequins on New Year's Eve like shiny New Year's Resolutions. And In the same way that itchy sequin dress fades into obscurity at the back of your closet, even the most resolute among us feel the passion for a whole new self fade away by mid-January.
The passion fades as the pressure mounts on what is usually the loftiest of aspirations. That same New Year magic that creates the lore of the midnight kiss makes that thing you haven't managed to figure out up to now somehow seem totally accessible with the calendar reset.
Passion turns to pressure
In a fit of passion, we commit to a goal without committing to the process. New Year's Resolutions are usually results-oriented. But a goal without strategies & systems to achieve it becomes nothing more than a dream. Passion doesn't fuel commitment.
The pressure piles on as your vision remains solid but the drive reverts back to what it was two weeks before New Year's Eve. Your old responsibilities and your old habits, along with the box of doughnuts someone brought to the office, conspire against the new you. She's out before you even made her a key.
A whole new start with your old self
Can you see your name next to "2022" on a marquis with flashing lights? It’s great in theory but leaves you extra frustrated when your kids are hungry just as often in 2022 as they were in 2021. And the service indicator light in your car blinks the same way on Jan 2 as when you were ignoring it on Dec 29th. Not to mention cinnamon lattes still smell sooooo good.
There is something to be said for a fresh start but even flowers blooming anew take nutrients from the weathered soil.
There is this underlying notion when it comes to the New Year that we want to wipe the slate clean and start all over again. When really that may not be necessary. Whatever season of life you are in you have undoubtedly benefited from all of the collective experience that got you there. We have all just been through two of the toughest years of unprecedented history and for that, you deserve a huge congratulations. In these last two years alone countless numbers of people have shared with me the clarity they have gained on what is truly important to them. That sounds like a great perspective to step into the new year with. I have personally seen so many people flex some major life skills muscles in areas like adaptability, resiliency, strength, humor, and compassion just to name a few. I'm willing to bet you too can claim a whole lot of strength and skill from the last two years.
Are you a junkie looking for your next hit? Today's Dopamine Dilemma
When the new you is no longer a new idea, your brain experiences a dopamine drop-off. As you cycle past the passion, and into the commitment phase, of the process, your brain is designed to seek the next new thrill. In 2022 committing to consistent strategies is made even harder by our culture of instant gratification. Every click offers a dopamine overdose. The mounting pressure of your grand ambitions and the dopamine junkie in your brain make you an unsuspecting victim of shiny object syndrome looking for the next pretty thing.
Do you like feeling like a quitter?
No? Me niether. Every time you do anything you are rehearsing for the next time you will do that thing. Angry outbursts are rehearsals for the next time you will allow yourself to have an angry outburst. When you win you are rehearsing being a winner. The next time you want to win your brain has a reference at the ready. Every time you quit at something you are practicing how to be a quitter and your brain knows exactly what to do when that time comes again.
Did you know that your confidence takes a hit every time you don't do something you say you will do? The ugly stepsisters named shame and self-doubt move right on in and take up residence in your brain, rent free. Not only do they prevent you from creating good new habits, but chances are also they compel you back into the cycle of the bad habits you are trying to break. And there you go...more rehearsal for the next time you are going to practice bad habits.
So how do we break the vicious cycle?
I'm so glad you asked. Stay tuned for part two....
What to do instead of New Year's Resolutions to stay motivated and see success in 2022?
Click Here for Part II -
